


Irrevocable Conditions

by khurst



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas is not even mentioned remotely, F/M, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-09 01:49:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8871022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khurst/pseuds/khurst
Summary: Based on Kate's description of Voyager's wrap after 7 years of filming. A little story about returning to the place they once called home...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crimsonsupernova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonsupernova/gifts).



> Thanks so much to rawkfemme and LittleObsessions for beta reading this. 
> 
> Without them this would be a terrible, terrible mess.  
> I reworked some scenes after their hard work, so any mistakes that remain are solely mine and I take full responsibility!

 

**for my secret soul sister**

 

 

“ _Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition._ ”

― James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room

 

* * *

 

She was kept.

The others were released one by one.

 

After she alone remained  she was kept for 5 days of close-ups, of interviews and of publicity images for press kits. Images of her in her Ready Room, of her walking the corridors of her now empty ship, of her touching panels of now unused workstations and finally, images of her in her command chair.

The whole crew had been kept for endless interviews and publicity shots. After the war, _Voyager’s_ homecoming was a welcome and much needed morale boost for the Federation, and Starfleet decided to milk every last drop of positive publicity from this gift they had been given. After debriefings, when everyone thought they would be released to go home, finally reunited with friends and family for good, they had been kept for endless promo shoots, interviews and short image films for Starfleet Academy.

There had been a group image with the whole crew assembled that was to be released with a dedication to those they had lost on the long journey. That was just the beginning of an exhausting and emotionally draining few weeks for the crew. The first of them had been released directly after their single photoshoots. They were crewmen and Ensigns from the lower decks that weren’t widely known to the public, who had not appeared on the news in the last 7 years. They were included in Starfleet’s publicity stunt nonetheless; for the sake of completeness, because every member had been important in their own way and, most of all, because Kathryn Janeway had persisted in her demand that no one be excluded.

The first of her senior staff to go had been the Doctor. She surmised they wanted to get their hands on his mobile emitter. She had not seen him since. That was 4 weeks ago. Or had it been longer? Kathryn shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the fog of melancholy. The Doctor had been released two weeks before anyone else from her senior staff. Before Seven and Icheb. Before Tuvok even, despite his medical condition. She had not heard from the Doctor since.

She had not heard from Tuvok either, who had been released together with Chakotay, Harry, Tom and B’Elanna five days ago. They were the last to go. That was five days ago. Since then, Kathryn had been working with people she had never seen before, who most likely had never seen her in person before either. Since then she had to watch _Voyager_ being torn apart and dismantled around her. Even her quarters were already stripped bare. The day before that they had started to tear apart her Ready Room.

While _Voyager_ was already being dismantled on the outside, Kathryn Janeway sat in her command chair and delivered every single line they gave her, posed for every single photo, performed for every silly little video and answered even the most miniscule question they asked. She did it standing, she did it sitting, she did “Engage”, she did “Red Alert”. She did it all for 5 days. Just as they were about to wrap a member of ground crew came with his screwdriver and started to undo her chair.

The chair that had been her haven on the bridge for the last seven years. The chair that had shielded her when _Voyager_ rocked and tossed under enemy fire. The chair that stood stoically, untarnished. The chair that was next to his for the last seven years.

The chair was being dismantled, the consoles were being ripped from behind her. She did everything that was expected of her and nobody was there. No one from the admiralty came, not even the producers she was doing these interviews for had bothered to show up.

She was all done and finally she heard in from the darkness around her, “Well, that’s it Kate. Thanks for the great seven years and that’s a wrap.”

And she stood there, furious, trembling with exaggerated anger at the camera man, who had the gall to call her Kate, who dared insinuate a familiarity between them that didn’t exist. The cameraman, who because he had recorded all her interviews about their journey, had the audacity to thank her for the last seven years as if he is part of their close-knit family. How dare he call her by some distortion of her first name?

Kathryn stood there, the sound of the screwdriver screeching in her ears, the clatter of the consoles being dismantled causing her a headache almost as big as her heartache. And she felt the surge of tears rise up from her chest and spill out of her eyes, unable to fight them as she suddenly realized that everything she had known for the last seven years - almost a decade of her life - had just ended with those few careless words.

 _Oh my God, is this it?_ She thought, helplessly trying to figure out what to do now. It wasn’t that she could just go home and pick up her life where she had left off. The reality of her situation slammed into her with more force that she could withstand. Despite her career, she had nothing left. Starfleet and her commitment to the organization had once again taken everything from her. Seven years ago, she had left her family behind, her loved ones. And for the last few weeks she had been forced to watch her newfound family, her new loved ones, leave her behind one by painfully one.

Kathryn turned slightly to her right - an instinct that had served her well for the last seven years - attempting to flee to her Ready Room for a while, until she had collected herself enough to face the outside world. But there was nothing there to flee to. The doors stood open and she could see the well-worn couch being ripped apart, her loyal (if somewhat temperamental) replicator being torn from its confines, the chair in which she had spent endless hours reading reports being taken apart to be recycled, just as the rest of her old and familiar furniture.

When she felt a tear roll down her cheek, Kathryn swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and turned away from the Ready Room unable to watch her home being ripped to shreds. She took a shuddering breath and started walking towards Harry’s station. The screwdriver was now dismantling Chakotay’s chair and that was one thing she could not face.

In her sudden haste to flee the bridge she almost missed the figure silhouetted in the briefing room door. Her eyes snapped up and she saw the gleam of light shining off his head. She almost laughed out loud when she recognized him, thinking that from all the people surrounding her right now, he was the most human, the most welcome.

“Captain,” he said, stepping out of the door and into her personal space. “In my medical opinion, you need a hug.”

Before she could react he enveloped her in a comforting embrace, pressing her hard against his solid form just like he had done when he had returned from Tahal-Meeroj after what had been three years for him but only a few minutes for the rest of the crew. It had taken him a while to open up about it, but Kathryn eventually learned that he had found friends and something like a family on the planet. People he had not only been forced to leave behind as well, but people who had been long dead by the time he had finished his report.

Here he was, giving her support and warmth like a human being of flesh and blood. Kathryn hesitated only a second, too surprised and overwhelmed to react faster, before she returned the hug. She realized that with all the possibilities opening up, their return must be even harder for him, than for the rest of them. Most of them had some friends or family to return to. But the Doctor wasn’t returning to anything. He was basically born on _Voyager_ \- very much like Naomi, or even Seven and Icheb.

She swallowed hard again at the thought of Naomi and the many things she would miss in her development. At the thought of Icheb and the struggles he still had ahead of him. At the thought of Seven and who she was with now. She sighed, easing out of the Doctor’s embrace. Before she could step away from him he held her by her shoulders and gave her a smile. “Let’s go and have a drink!”

“Are you encouraging me to drink coffee, Doctor?” Kathryn laughed as she fell into step beside him on their way to the transporter room.

“Never, Captain,” he admonished with a straight face before smiling merrily. “I would suggest something stronger and more appropriate for the occasion.”

=/\=

“How did you know I was still on Voyager?” Kathryn asked as her drink was set down on the table before her, nodding a silent thanks to the waiter.

“When I was finally given possession of my mobile emitter this morning I joked that I was probably the last crew member to be released and someone mentioned that you were still kept here for some final promo interviews. Naturally, I was appalled and came back to free you from their clutches. By the time I managed to get aboard you were already done.”

Kathryn tried to hide her grin at the Doctor’s overly dramatic description. “Thank you, Doctor. I agreed to the interviews. I just wasn’t aware they would take this long.”

“Well, they could have let you get some R&R before. If anyone deserves rest after what we’ve been through, it’s you.”

“I assume they wanted me to look worn and beaten to make it more believable.” Kathryn quipped as she lay her hand over the Doctor’s as a gesture of gratitude.

“So, how does it feel to finally be free?”

“I should ask you that,” Kathryn said with a raised eyebrow trying to steer the conversation away from her, unsure if she was emotionally stable enough to talk about herself. But the hologram didn’t bite and kept looking at her expectantly, so she just shrugged. “I haven’t given it much thought,” she lied.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned about you, Captain, it’s that there’s nothing you haven’t given much thought.” Kathryn rolled her eyes, but had to admit that he was right. She had given it a lot of thought recently.

“I will spent some time with my mother and my sister. I should go and see my…Mark. Meet his wife and child.” Despite all the time she had indeed spent thinking about what she could and should do now, that was actually all she had come up with.

“That is some form of torture,” the Doctor commented dryly.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Kathryn furrowed her brows.

“Of course you don’t.” The sarcastic tone was not lost on Kathryn, but the Doctor went on before she could admonish him. “You are going to visit the fiancé you left behind and witness how he moved on with his life and had a little family, while you were out there fighting for your life and that of 150 other people. That’s a new masochistic low even for you, Captain.”

“Doctor,” Kathryn warned him in a tone that let him know she meant business.

“I’ve said this for the last seven years and while I don’t expect you to listen to me any more than you usually do, I’m hoping you’ll listen to someone else.” For a second he focussed on something over her shoulder, but as quickly as he had looked away, he looked back at her again and continued.

“You put your life on hold for seven years. It’s time,” the Doctor said cryptically, but before she could ask what he meant, he looked at something behind her again and stood up. “Excuse me, Captain.”

And without further ado he was gone.

When Kathryn turned around to see where he was going, she saw the person she had least expected give the Doctor a nod and a thankful squeeze of the shoulder, before moving to her and occupying the seat the Doctor had just left.

“Kathryn.”

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Kathryn said, her jaw set, a sinking feeling that she had been set up beginningo form.

“The Doctor told me you’d be here.”

“I see.” She didn’t mean to be so curt with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to him. It was more that she had no idea what to say to him without blurting out everything she knew was better bottled up inside her. “You’re ganging up on me. Again.” It was an attempt to lighten the mood, but the words came out in a more serious tone than she had intended so she added a grin for good measure, assuring him that she wasn’t really mad.

“I didn’t know you were released today.” He angled his head slightly. “I thought you were already with your mother, getting some well-deserved rest from the lot of us.”

Kathryn looked into her glass unsure how to respond, how much to say. Chakotay wasn’t her First Officer anymore, he wasn’t responsible for her well-being anymore, she wasn’t even entirely sure if they were still friends.

“They’ve been torturing me for the last five days and then suddenly wrapped things up today and I was free to go without a warning. **I** didn’t even know.” She shrugged, feeling a little lost herself.

“Well, I would have been there if I had known.” He smiled encouragingly, trying to raise a smile out of her.

“Chakotay - ” Kathryn started, but Chakotay didn’t let her finish.

“Don’t.” He raised his hands to stop her. “I know what you’re going to say.” Kathryn cocked her head to the side with a look of slight disbelief on her face. “You’re fine and it wasn’t really that bad and really what did you expect anyway. Am I close?”

Kathryn stared at him. He did know her that well after all. After all this time and everything that had been between them and had been lost between them he could still read her like an open book.

“The Doctor told me, Kathryn.” Chakotay grasped her hand and kept his gaze steadily on her. “From what he told me it was horrible. They just turned the lights off and left you there on your own. After everything you did for them.”

Kathryn just shrugged. “This is the way the world ends, I guess.”

“It should have been a bang for you-” Chakotay lowered his voice and leaned closer- “not a whimper.”

Kathryn’s head shot up at his words and she felt herself tear up again. She tightened her jaw and blinked several times to keep her tears from spilling. If she was honest, she was glad he was here. She wanted him here with her. She would have wanted him there on _Voyager_ when they called the wrap. She had wanted him to hug her and take her home. But that was selfish and unfair to him.

“You didn’t need to come, Chakotay.” She gave him a wry smile. “I’m sure you have other things to do, somewhere else to be.”

“Nothing that couldn’t wait.” Kathryn just sighed so he continued. “Kathryn, just because we’re home, I haven’t forgotten my promise. Your needs come first.”

“I can’t hold you to that. Not anymore.”

“But I can. I made the promise and I’m keeping it, no matter what you expect me to do. I’m here, Kathryn, whenever you need me.”

Kathryn swallowed.  His offer was incredibly selfless, but after seven long years she had to let him go. She couldn’t keep burdening him with her emotional turmoil when he had other people to live for now. His own happiness to pursue. She couldn’t cling to him just because she had no one else left. He deserved more. He deserved for her to let him go.

“I want you to be happy.”

“And I want you to be happy,” he replied getting the distinct impression he was missing something, an undercurrent of something he didn’t understand or know about. He replied and it was clear to Kathryn that he was missing the point she was trying to bring across.

“How is Seven?”

“She’s well. I helped her get settled at her aunt’s and they’ve taken in Icheb until he can get enrolled at the Academy. I hear they are getting along really well.”

“You hear?” Kathryn was surprised. She had thought he would stay with Seven.

“I’ve stayed with Tom and B’Elanna and Icheb has called a few times to ask about Miral.”

“I thought…” Kathryn trailed off shaking her head. This wasn’t her business and if he didn’t want to talk about it she shouldn’t ask.

“You thought what?”

Kathryn took a deep breath before she answered. It wasn’t as if she could skirt around the issue forever. If she wanted to keep them both as friends she had to come to terms with, and talk about, their relationship at some point. “I assumed Seven would stay with you.”

“Why ever would you think that?” Chakotay was taken aback but when Kathryn looked at him with her no-nonsense look it dawned on him. “I don’t know what exactly you heard, Kathryn, but I can assure you it’s not what you think.”

“I’m not judging you, Chakotay.” She was, but no one need know that. “I mean it. I want you to be happy and if Seven can make you happy who am I to argue?”

Somehow that didn’t come out right.

“Seven isn’t making me happy and I’d never expect her to.” He angled his head to make her look at him. “I was helping her practice social situations, Kathryn. The Doctor could only teach her so much and I know it meant a lot to you that the crew helped her explore her humanity.”

“Within limits,” Kathryn uttered to herself, lowering her eyes as she thought about the Chakotay hologram Seven had experimented with.

“And am I such a limit?” His tone was light and joking, but Chakotay was genuinely curious. The Doctor had been forced to tell him about Seven violating his privacy by creating the hologram, but they had agreed that it wasn’t worth the fuss.

The incident had made it clear, however, that Seven’s curiosity about her humanity had exceeded the Doctor’s limits and that she would need someone to teach her about dating and intimacy who wasn’t intimidated by her. Since Seven had already made her choice clear and the possible mentors on Voyager being severely limited, Chakotay had deduced it would be a good idea if he took it upon himself, if only to please Kathryn. It seemed however, that this idea had backfired massively.

Kathryn didn’t answer his question and the silence stretched between them. No matter what he told her now, Seven was a sore topic between them and it would take more time to resolve the feelings it evoked.

“How are you really, Kathryn?” Chakotay finally broke the silence.

“I’m not sure. I should be ecstatic, but I feel adrift. I don’t know what I want.”

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

“Would you want me?” There was a heavy pause that left him breathless with uncertainty and her paralyzed with shock.

“More than anything,” she finally whispered, unable to meet his eyes, the realization of what he was offering hitting her.

He slid his hand under hers and grasped it. “You’ve always had me.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to venture out there and find someone who loves you so much better than I can?”

“And search for you in another person?” His fingers tightened around her hand, his thumb sliding back and forth over her knuckles. “I don’t want better. I want you.”

Kathryn swallowed heavily as she looked down into her glass. As she looked back up at him, a deep blush creeped up from her neck over her face which wore that one sided smile he loved so much.

“Alright,” she started, “in that case I need to say this for the record in case there’s any question later. You’re going to take me home and we’re going to do all the things I wanted to do since I first saw you on my view screen.” Kathryn saw Chakotay lick his lips subconsciously at the thought and tug his earlobe, giving away that he was at least as nervous about this as she was. “But since it’s been a while I’ll need some liquid courage first, so you’ll need to get me a little drunk before you take me home.”

Kathryn waited a moment and watched Chakotay’s face as her words slowly sunk in. The play of different emotions across his features was a joy to see and only when she saw a deep satisfaction settle in his face and his pupils widen with the prospect of what she had just hinted at, did she break the silence and move.

“I want to dance,” Kathryn pointed out while she rose from her chair and pulled his hand. She was well into her second glass of Cabernet Sauvignon since Chakotay had arrived and the atmosphere was light and friendly.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“We’ve never danced.” The reason for that was well known to Chakotay, but he had to say it anyway.

“What a shame,” she half purred as she leaned forward and fixed his eyes with a challenging smile. “You can dance, can’t you?”

While Chakotay wasn’t sure she would be steady enough to actually dance, it meant she wouldn’t drink anymore and, more importantly, he finally had the chance to hold her close.

“Of course, I can dance, Kathryn. You’ve seen me dance before at…”

“Shut up and dance with me.”

He smiled when she pulled him to his feet and into the small space devoid of chairs and tables that served as a makeshift dance floor. There was no one else dancing, making Chakotay wonder if it was even meant to be a dance floor. But Kathryn either didn’t notice or didn’t mind as she turned to him, swung her arms around his neck and half-standing, half-hanging onto him, started to sway to the noncommittal relaxed music that blasted through the pub. Chakotay wound his arms around her back and holding her steady, smiled to himself when she tucked her head into the crook of his neck. He laid his cheek against her hair and inhaled her scent while he swayed with her and closed his eyes, simply enjoying her closeness for once.

To hours and the same amount of refills of Kathryn’s glass of red wine later, they were back at their table when Chakotay said something that made Kathryn giggle. He was unable to hold back the sudden full-bodied belly laugh that erupted from him at hearing this previously unknown sound from her mouth. Sure enough he had heard her chuckle or laugh on occasion, but giggle?

His guffaw threw Kathryn into even more uncontrollable fits of giggles and, unable to stop, she had to wipe tears of laughter from her eyes and struggle for breath after a few minutes.

Chakotay stopped laughing when he noticed her flushed face and the gleam of joy in her eyes. This was a carefree side of Kathryn he had never been allowed to see before. He wanted her just as much as he had always wanted all of her other sides.

“I want you.”

Her giggles stopped immediately at his sudden exclamation and her shimmering eyes rose to his in shock. She gulped and felt the knot in her stomach return. It was a mixture of anxiety and, as she recognized the familiar heat in his unwavering gaze, the first flutter of arousal. Kathryn felt her own cheeks redden further and the tingle spread from the pit of her belly all over her skin, making her shudder slightly.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and reached for his hand over the table. “I think you can take me home now.” Her voice was raw and throaty.

He didn’t hesitate to grasp her hand and pull her up and out the door.

By the time they reached the small apartment complex where Starfleet had temporarily offered them quarters they were both breathless. Chakotay tried to input her code without letting go of Kathryn’s hand and when he failed the second time, her fingers tightened briefly on his. He took a deep breath, tried again and the door swung open.

They took a few steps in the darkened hallway, neither of them particularly eager to call for lights, causing Chakotay to run into one of Kathryn’s crates from _Voyager._

“Ouch,” he grunted ungracefully and stopped, causing Kathryn to run into his back.

“Sorry,” she giggled again. “I didn’t have time to unpack.”

“Didn’t have time or didn’t bother?” Chakotay mused that both were probably true.

“Both.” Kathryn grinned in the dark although he couldn’t see her. “I’ve been barely here.”

Chakotay didn’t bother ask where the bedroom was, since his tiny apartment had the exact same layout, as did every other apartment in the complex. He pulled her down the hallway, stopping once to push her against the wall, take her face between his hands and kiss her.

“This can’t wait,” Chakotay whispered staring at her before he pressed his lips against hers.

Kathryn’s eyes had gone wide in aroused expectation when his face closed in on hers, but at the first touch of his lips against hers her eyes fluttered closed and a barely audible sigh erupted from deep within her. The first contact was barely a brush and over before she knew it, but then Kathryn felt Chakotay’s hand against the back of her neck her head moved forward on its own accord and their mouths pressed together as if they had always belonged there. She felt the trembling of his lips and claimed them in a more insistent kiss, her hands going around his back and grabbing his shoulder blades to pull him closer.

Chakotay’s tongue traced her lower lip gently and without hesitation her mouth opened to grant him access. Soft and beguiling her lips moulded to his as his tongue traced the inside of her mouth. Kathryn felt the heat of his body against hers as he pressed closer into her and her pelvis jerked against him when his body’s movements against her became more and more demanding. When they ran out of air and had to break apart or suffocate, Kathryn tried to calm her racing heart and the tingling rush that overcame her. Her chest still heaved when Chakotay stepped away and grabbed her hand pulling her forward.

Once they reached the bedroom, Chakotay leaned her against the wall next to the room and just stared at her. Her hair was mussed, her lips swollen, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide with excitement. He wanted her so much that he needed to distract himself for a moment and calm down, so gave her a fleeting kiss and turned back into the hall. “I need a glass of water.”

He went into the kitchen, downed a glass of ice cold water and sprinkled some on his face before he locked the door securely and returned to the bathroom when his pounding heart had calmed down enough. He had only been gone two or three minutes but when he stepped into the bedroom Kathryn was nowhere to be found.

“Kathryn?” Chakotay called out into the dark room.

“Here,” came her reply from the bathroom.

The door stood open and when he peeked through the door, he almost laughed out loud again.

“Kathryn, what are you doing?”

“Taking a bath,” she snickered and rolled her eyes at him as if it was the most ridiculous question she had ever heard.

Chakotay smirked. Taking a bath had quite obviously been her intention before she must have gotten distracted.

“You forgot to turn on the water.” He gestured into the empty tub acting as if she wasn’t sitting in it fully clothed and cradling a cup of steaming coffee to her chest.

“Oh,” she said surprised looking down and only just noticing the missing water, then giggled again and reached for the tap.

Chakotay stopped her before she could reach it and pulled her to her feet with one hand while taking the cup of coffee from her with his other hand. “Why don’t you let me run you a bath while you finish your coffee?”

“Coffee,” she sighed blissfully at the thought, following him into the bedroom. “I would die for some coffee.”

“Lucky for both of us you don’t have to.” Chakotay handed the cup back to her after she had slumped unceremoniously into a chair, and instructed the computer for low lighting.

“You wonderful man,” she sighed as she took the cup with both hands closing her eyes as she inhaled the aroma. “You’re so pretty.”

“Are you talking to me or the coffee?”

She looked at him with a devilish grin before she answered. “The coffee, of course.”

“Is that so?”

“You’re not pretty,” she pointed out.

“Oh, I’m not?”

“I have many words for you, mister, but pretty isn’t one I would use.” Her eyes had fixed him again as if he was her prey and Chakotay felt a shudder run down his back.

Chakotay didn’t reply but sat down on the bed and watched her drink her coffee, following the cup as it touched her lips, his pupils widening whenever her tongue peeked out to lick traces of the liquid off her lips. He noticed that her gaze was glued to his face, watching him as he watched her. From the periphery of his vision he saw her uncross and cross her legs, speaking volumes  about what his stare was doing to her.

Kathryn’s chest heaved under the uniform she still wore and Chakotay let his gaze drop down to the gentle rise and fall of her bosom, licking his lips as he imagined her underneath all those layers of clothing. His eyes travelled back up her body, pausing at the juncture between her shoulder and her neck, picturing the bite mark he would leave there, to mark and remind her there was no going back, and further up to her mouth.

Half of her lower lip was drawn between her teeth as she was riveted to the longing and heat in his face as he was openly ogling her and obviously already mentally undressing her. She set the cup on the small tablet beside her, got up and sauntered to where Chakotay sat on the bed. She stopped just out of his reach and felt tremors run through her at the thought of what they were about to do.

“I want to see you.” Chakotay’s warm voice was soothing on her nerves and the fact that he stayed where he was allowed her some measure of control and strengthened her resolve.

Chakotay’s eyes stayed on hers the entire time as she removed her pips one by one and let them fall to the floor, took off her uniform jacket, turtleneck and undershirt, followed by her boots, socks and pants.  Not once did his eyes stray to the rest of her body until she removed her bra and panties with trembling hands. Standing in the puddle of her clothes, she clenched her hands against her thighs.

She felt an overwhelming urge to cover herself up, but she resisted it. Instead she stiffened her spine, raised her chin and waited.

He didn’t say a word, didn’t let out a single sound as he openly scrutinized her naked form. His thoughts were hidden behind an inscrutable mask and for a moment Kathryn feared what he might think of her, that it might be too late

That she was too withered after all.

“Say something,” she uttered in what she hoped would be her best command voice, but only came out as an insecure whisper.

“Spirits,” he said at last, his hand reaching out to her but not quite touching. “You’re beautiful.”

“You should let the Doctor check your eyes,” she said with conviction, looking down at her once flat, now slightly rounded middle and the breasts that had their best years behind them. She knew she wasn’t beautiful, but his words flooded her veins with relief nonetheless.

He laughed a throaty chuckle and blinked, his hand finally reaching out to her and, leaning forward, gently situated itself on her hip, giving a gentle tug towards him.

A little hesitantly, she allowed him to draw her in and stepped between his knees. Both his hands trailed from her hips up her waist and her ribcage and rose up to cup her breasts, his dark hands covering the pale orbs completely as he lifted their weight.

“Beautiful,” he whispered again and this time she didn’t argue, but smiled and stayed silent, unable to think of anything to say.

Her breath hitched when his thumbs flicked across her nipples and without moving his eyes from hers he kissed her belly just below her navel, causing a flutter of her muscles and an involuntary jerk of her pelvis in his direction. The small movement put him into action and in one fluid movement, Chakotay stood up, grabbed Kathryn by the waist, turned them both around and pushed her back against the bed.

Before she realized what he was doing, Kathryn was already falling and gasped as she landed on her back, bouncing on the soft mattress. She collected herself and pushed her upper body up on her arms when her gaze met that of the fully clothed man staring at her naked form. With her legs slightly open and Chakotay so wantonly ogling her, Kathryn suddenly felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny, so she rolled slightly to the side, bending her upper leg at the knee and laying her arm over her chest effectively hiding her most crucial parts from his view.

“You’re overdressed.” Her eyebrow rose in challenge at his disappointed snicker. She felt the situation was entirely unfair in his favour. While she was completely  naked for him to enjoy, he was still fully dressed.

Kathryn held his gaze as he shed one piece of clothing after the other. His linen shirt and pants, his socks, and finally his briefs. Her mouth fell slightly open when her eyes finally travelled down his lean, muscular form. He hadn’t lied. He very obviously wanted her. Kathryn swallowed hard and felt a shiver run down her spine and a shot of arousal bolted straight to her lower extremities when she saw his eyes darken and pupils widen as he took in her reaction.

He crawled up on the bed next to her, one of his hands running along her leg, up to her hip and around to her backside until he was aligned with her. Kathryn reached for his neck and pulled him in for a kiss pausing briefly when their lips almost touched.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” he replied before pecking her lips once. “And I’ve never wanted anything as much as this.”

Before Kathryn had time to reply or ask another question, she felt the warmth of his lips against hers again. With her eyes wide open in delight, she watched his eyes flutter closed at the contact.

With gentle pressure against her hip bone he rolled her onto her back and leaned over her, their lips still locked. His hand wormed down the outside of her thigh and back up on the inside of her other thigh, where it rested not even an inch from where she wanted him. She felt the warmth of his rough, calloused hand and squirmed a little, but he wouldn’t be rushed.

The gentle pressure of his lips against hers made her open her mouth slightly, allowing him to run the tip of his tongue along her lower lip, before subtly grazing it with his teeth and drawing it into his mouth to suckle slightly. Kathryn moved her hand along his waist, up his back and finally grabbed his shoulder, pulling him closer to her. The gentle eroticism of his kiss distracted her just enough so she didn’t notice his hand moving again until his fingertips graced her folds and clit, making her gasp and buck against him.

Chakotay swallowed her gasp and as his lips held hers captive, his fingers moved against her, tender and deliberately slow. When he felt her folds slick with want and her squirming against him intensified, he released his hold on her mouth and drew back, leaning on his arm and watching her face closely as he slowly and gently pushed two fingers into her heated core. He felt her walls constrict around his fingers and curled them upwards against her front wall, slowly pulling them back towards his palm. At the rush of wetness, he repeated the come-hither motion while putting slight pressure on her clit with his thumb.

Sweat slowly gathered over Kathryn’s upper lip and nose and her skin reddened as her breath came in shorter and shorter puffs. Her mouth opened as she held Chakotay’s gaze and her hands found his upper arms, trying to hold on to something as he continued his deliciously slow assault. He wouldn’t be deterred and took his sweet time getting her more and more worked up.

Chakotay waited for the moment when Kathryn’s eyes started to flutter closed and her grip on his upper arms strengthened. He felt her muscles start to grip his fingers rhythmically as he held his hand still and pressed his thumb harder against her clit while pressing his fingers against her front wall from the inside. Kathryn’s mouth tore open and she sucked in a long sharp breath as she felt her whole body tense, her chest pushing upwards in an attempt to get enough air. Her legs shaking violently, her pelvis pushing hard into his hand and her fingernails digging painfully into his skin, Chakotay’s eyes were glued to her body, drawn tight as a bow, her chest suspended in mid-air and her breath held until finally she opened her eyes wide, released her breath in a long throaty moan and fell back against the mattress.

Kathryn’s eyes were unfocused and glazed over as they searched for Chakotay’s face. Her chest was heaving as she was taking gulps of air, trying to calm her racing heart down. When she could finally focus and his face came into view, she felt the overwhelming urge to laugh and pull him flush against her.

“That was…” her voice came out rough and throaty and she had to swallow.

“Not over,” Chakotay interrupted her.

His hand came up and he slid his arm under her shoulder as he settled in between her open thighs pulling one of her legs up over his hip. Kathryn’s hand sneaked down to grasp his penis, licking her lips when he jerked against her.

“Don’t,” he rasped, his control dangerously on the verge of slipping.

Understanding, she let go of him and wound one arm around his neck instead, pulling his face to the crook of her neck as her other hand trailed up over his stomach, along his ribs and over his chest.

He let out a small gasp as her fingertips found his nipple. “Do that again.”

And she did, revelling in the knowledge that she could provoke such a reaction from him. She grinned against his skin, when his breath hitched once more as she dragged her fingernail over his dark nipple and her teeth slightly nipped on the skin of his shoulder. His hand on her thigh wound around to the small of her back and pulled her hips flush against his, his throbbing manhood hot against her lower belly.

“Chakotay,” she rasped between puffs of air against his skin when she felt the tip of his manhood brush against her lower lips, unable to move her hips freely in his grasp. “Engage.”

He growled deep in his throat and pushed into her. She moaned loudly when she felt his length stretch her and she lifted her leg to allow him deeper. Slowly he pulled out of her until only the tip remained inside and then even more slowly he pushed back in, eliciting a long drawn-out groan from Kathryn as she clenched her teeth, and a deep moan from within himself. Kathryn’s brow furrowed and her nose scrunched up as she ground her sex against him whenever he pushed all the way in, a challenging look in her eyes. His pace was maddening and Kathryn tightened her legs around him to force him closer.

Chakotay slipped his hand between them and caressed her clitoris  at the same slow pace, alternating between pinching and drawing circles around it as he lazily thrust into her. Kathryn growled, knowing he was holding back and wanting him to give her all he had, but unable to move against him with the way he pinned her down into the mattress.

“Tell me,” he gasped between thrusts. “Say it.”

“Harder,” she commanded, her voice low as her hands clenched his buttocks. “Faster.”

He obeyed her command by pulling out again and slamming into her, drilling her deeper into the bed. Not giving her a break, he drove himself home again and again at a furious pace and by the sounds she was making it was exactly what she had in mind. Kathryn’s eyes widened in shock as she felt another orgasm approach rapidly. Her legs closed like vices around his waist and her mouth opened in a silent warning, her nails clawing his back and with a shaking sob she bit into his shoulder as her body quaked against him when he buried himself deep within her with a loud growl.

The muscles of her vagina gripped him violently and she felt his vigorous thrusts stop and the pulses of his release against her cervix as he panted against her neck. His pelvis continued to jerk involuntarily against her as he shuddered, causing her own sex to twitch with aftershocks.

It seemed to take forever until they could catch their breath, and his hand on her breast, his lips against the pulse point of her neck, and her tongue soothing the bite mark on his shoulder did nothing to help them calm down. When his heartbeat and breathing had finally regulated enough, Chakotay lifted his head and wiped the damp hair from Kathryn’s forehead.

“Wow,” she breathed, her face flushed and her eyes bright.

“Wow,” he agreed before rolling off of her.

They just lay next to each other for a while, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing, until Chakotay noticed her eyelids getting heavy and fluttering closed only to have her tear them open again. He quickly got up and returned with a warm, damp washcloth. He gently cleaned their combined juices from her and threw the washcloth through the open bathroom door.

At Kathryn’s raised eyebrow Chakotay just shrugged and lay back down next to her, gathering her in his arms. “Tomorrow!”

He felt her grin against his chest and when her mouth opened to say something he tightened his grip around her back and pulled her closer. “Sleep now, woman.”

Kathryn chuckled at his command, but kept her lips shut, settling against him instead and closing her eyes. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep and Chakotay listened until her breathing had evened out before he pulled the sheet up around them and closed his own eyes in contentment.

=/\=

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking against the bright morning sun of early June. Although the sun filtering through the large windows was warming her skin, the tiny hairs on her arms stood up and she shuddered. It took her a moment to realize that it wasn’t only the warm rays tickling her skin that had woken her, but the figure next to her. She looked up at the dark handsome face looking down at her and felt her chest tighten as she saw the raw emotion clearly written across his features. It was only a moment before he noticed her curious eyes on him and the expression was replaced by a wide grin that he had rarely shown in the past months. His dimples deepened and Kathryn couldn’t help but reach out to him and snuggle her face against his chest, one of her thighs insinuating itself between his legs.

“How long have you been watching me?” Her lips pressed against him, her breath warm and moist against his skin.

“Not long enough,” he whispered against her hair as he pulled her even closer.

A lump formed in her throat and Kathryn felt the emotion rise up in her chest as she realized that no matter what happened in the past months and years, no matter what they had said or done - this may just be what she had journeyed towards all these years.

“I love you,” she whispered barely audible, her mouth still pressed against him, her eyes closing and her nose taking in the sweet musky smell of him.

“I know.” Chakotay’s hand roamed soothingly over her back, drawing wide circled with his fingers as he placed tiny kisses along her hairline and her brows, the tip of her nose and finally her mouth. “I love you too, but I can never serve as your First Officer again.”

Kathryn searched his features with a confused expression until it suddenly dawned on her what she had said the night before and she had to chuckle heartily.

After a few minutes, Kathryn drew her head back a little and looked at him for a long moment, her fingertips gently tracing the lines of his tattoo. “As long as you’re my person, I can live with that.”

“I’ll always be your person.” There was not a trace of doubt in his reply.

“Here begins a new life,” she whispered solemnly before cradling his neck in her hand and returning her lips to his.


End file.
